I’m not the greatest daughter in this world to be honest
But when I was applying some make up on my mum this morning
I noticed how old she is
How her wrinkles kept on appearing on her soft skin
But still sometimes this brat was just too stubborn
And that how mum may be even more sensitive than before
But this spoiled brat managed to somehow display her pouty face
Like girl, grow up.
You have a fragile heart to take care of.

I can never feel comfortable around you
I can never act like I’m okay with everything
I feel like I want to scream out loud
Saying all the words I should have said
To make you understand
Oh but wait
I don’t even understand myself sometimes
Most of the time
I’m afraid of the answers
I can’t even answer the questions I’ve been riddling with my own heart
So why should I take the risk
And break it even more?
Yes I have been in denial
Just to keep this heart intact and not to shatter even more.

Different people owns a different story
Their own narration
Their own happy and sad chapters
But again, nothing is ever fully of our control
Yes we can decide what’s next
What kind of future we want
But sometimes along the pages
You might fell into a hole
You might be trapped in a cage
You just somehow cannot see the way out
Or the way your story going to end
Believe me no one ever know what’s gonna come
Who is gonna show up suddenly
Bringing the light and smile to your new chapter
Believe me it’s hard
Even I myself still standing
Pondering which route I should have taken
Who I should forget
And what kind of struggling plots should I anticipate
Who should I let inside
And write together
Until the end of our own tale.

I tried to clog

Have faith

These moments are the most hurtful for me

Sometimes we don’t even want to appear strong
We don’t even want to put a fake smile
Just to convince other people that we are fine
It’s okay that
You’re not okay
You don’t have to be happy for the sake of other people
You don’t have to hide all your tears
All your frustrations
All your worries
What matters most is your happiness
Your own feelings
And I know you will be fine
We are all gonna be fine.


ASA

p/s: For those who I call my friends. Do not lose your hope.

I haven’t blog anything so far in 2018.
I guess I’m afraid to speak about whatever going on inside my mind.
It’s a mess.
But a mess I’m trying to cope with.
This used to be a medium for me to express my thoughts, feelings, experiences.
But I got used of keeping them inside rather than spilling everything out.
Because I was too afraid of exposing my vulnerable side.
So instead of telling people I’m not okay
I just smile.


A smile to ensure myself that
Yeah, I’m gonna be fine.