She broke down once again
Kneeling helplessly
Her heart was about to burst
She couldn't bare it anymore
She didn't understand
Where did her spirit gone to
Where was her determination
Her ever strong will
Of surviving
She would keep asking
How many times
She would endure this
Her head was on the ground
And the tears started to roll down
Please help me
O Allah
Please help me
She kept in her mind
That Allah is always there
Listening to her
Whether she was in pain
Whether she was in joy
Allah knows
Allah heard her voice
Even in a soundless pray

Each time
I feel like going back in time
Wondering if this is a right choice
If life itself is a right decision.

But I tend to just go
Let the flow direct me
To where I should be
But it's not as simple as the flow
Even in river, there are stones, logs,
Name it all I can assure
Nothing is easy in this world.

Undeniably I can't imagine myself
In the future
Not reaching my dream
Not doing what I love to do
But for that
I must first start to love what I do
But the question is
Can a heart love for what is unsure to be loved?

I wish I could have a pair of wings right now
So that I could fly
And leave all these behind.

How can one be true
When herself is confused
By what she feels
Or what she had felt before

Is it real
Like those shown in television
Like those stories that
Had been written beautifully
In a novel

What if hers was plain
And dull
Is it not a true feeling
Or did it becomes blurry
As she kept denying it?

She was scared of reality
But she no longer belongs to fantasy
Whether it's a dream comes true
Or it's merely a tale or
Just a daydream
She can never be sure
Until her feelings
Become crystal clear

One day
Perhaps
She can finally be sure of.

I can only watch from aside

Bismillahirrahmairrahim

So I supposed to post this one last week. But I tend to forget when I postpone things. So yeah..

20th March 2016
I thought to myself, I was some sort of lost in my purpose in this life.
I was too immmersed on reaching my requirements, with much lack of motivation. Worrying of whether I can cover all those medicine subjects in less than 2 weeks time before the prepro (the med students learnt them from like 1st year, how on earth I'm gonna finish them in just less than 3 months before pro exam). I kept on immersing myself in this dire world.
And I was so busy to think that my life on what's revolve around me. I forgot those who had to become refugees in order to keep on living. Why oh why I am so ungrateful?
Yesterday, at least for once, I felt blessed again. When I woke up to the beautiful view and sound that I wish I can hear them everyday. It was the view of my mother praying and the sound of Quran recitation of my dad. Allah always soothe me in every possible way, it just that I was too drowned in my hopelessness to ever notice that.
Hardships are sort of our cure from attachment to this world. To this life. Though I'm afraid of having difficulties, I hope that Allah is with me from the moment He put me inside it and throughout the journey.
In need of a soul searching journey. In need of motivation and advices. In need of power of du'a.
#prayforourselves #prayforhumanity

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum and salam ukhuwah.

It was finally the day they went to Kuantan to visit me. It was not that long since I came back home which was last two weeks. But it was a different feeling of having them here in my alma mater.

I kept whining to them about how 'difficult' it is to be in this field. But I didn't have a thought that maybe theirs were difficult as well.

Whenever I felt like I can't do it, they are the ones who convince me and put their trust in me that I am surely going to make it. Hell I was so scared that I couldn't fulfill their expectations but this path was my choice. And they supported me throughout the journey. Do you think I can quit that easily?

Certainly not.

Although at times we are feeling down, like when patients couldn't attend, patient cannot give commitments, don't have enough time to study, don't have enough time to do so many things, but at least we've got the chance to do it. Look how many out there wanna live the life we are living.

My parents have made their sacrifactions. Now it's my time. The time in this world is only temporary, won't last long neither it will stay there forever. Once I've finished this part, I'm gonna make sure I'll miss it. But hopefully Allah grant my wish so that my parents can look at me proudly receiving my scroll on the stage one fine day.

I just met and already miss them. How manja aimi is that she is actually this fragile. 

Dear God, help me.