When something is wrong,
never will it go right.

So should I set my heart free
Or should I just let it stay in the cage
that I locked myself into?

No.
Certainly not.

My heart wasn't even mine
that I can use it the way I want it.

So I shall return it to the one who gave me,
the one who entrusted me with such precious.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum wbt and a very good morning indeed.


BGM: The Chainsmokers - Don't let me down


This song was our theme song during GMGS clinical exam. It was...how to put it in the right words.. The part where "Right now I need a miracle" really suit us. And yeah we were miraculously passed the exam. God, we were thankful enough for having kind-hearted lecturers. They did help us a lot. I honestly didn't think I could make it as I couldn't gather up my confidence. And plus I went blank there, exactly when I started to open that door.

Although I got a case which I was aiming for, I was praying for, it was the mental preparation that needed to be ready. I miscalculated my readiness I guess. Got facial nerve palsy, I was supposedly already prepared with all those knowledge yet I was...too worried I think.

But thank God, He gave me some time before I started with the second case. Got lower limb for neuro. The least favorite subject among all other cases. Never actually had any chance to clerk a neuro patient. I tried to compose myself again, as the examiners were the same doctors. Yeah, it turned to be more like a class but not fully a bedside teaching otherwise I'm doomed! Ahhh..I guessed us dentists-to-be really should not take this for granted. Medical doctors have their own job and that we have our own. But we should not look at things as they were simple and should be easy to be performed. They were not easy, same like dental stuff. At least I gained some knowledge before I become one.

There were some of us who had to resit the exam. It was pain to see them under such stress. Well,at the same time, the rest couldn't sit comfortably just yet as we didn't know our own result. Those who resit at least knew that they passed the theory part. Some of us cried, broke down, loss our appetite. I bet some couldn't even sleep. That's how it made us, almost gone crazy. Even before the result was announced, we went somewhere else to distract ourselves from being overthinking.

And we almost screamed out loud at the coffee shop. We were that nervous that we didn't care of the fact that people might be staring at us. Needless to say, GMGS, I surely am glad to say goodbye.

And all that left was only regrets. Each time. Why didn't I study harder than this? Why didn't I practice this skill beforehand? Why didn't I do this and that. But thank God, I don't need to go through those time again. I was suffocated enough with other stuff so I am thankful that I can finally take some break. At least from the chaotic hospital scenes.

But don't take me wrong. GMGS is very important. Especially as we are dealing with human anyway. I should study harder next year. Though, frankly speaking, I'm not that enlightened to go back to the clinic, but what to do. That's my responsibilities from now on. All I can pray for is His miracles.

She broke down once again
Kneeling helplessly
Her heart was about to burst
She couldn't bare it anymore
She didn't understand
Where did her spirit gone to
Where was her determination
Her ever strong will
Of surviving
She would keep asking
How many times
She would endure this
Her head was on the ground
And the tears started to roll down
Please help me
O Allah
Please help me
She kept in her mind
That Allah is always there
Listening to her
Whether she was in pain
Whether she was in joy
Allah knows
Allah heard her voice
Even in a soundless pray

Each time
I feel like going back in time
Wondering if this is a right choice
If life itself is a right decision.

But I tend to just go
Let the flow direct me
To where I should be
But it's not as simple as the flow
Even in river, there are stones, logs,
Name it all I can assure
Nothing is easy in this world.

Undeniably I can't imagine myself
In the future
Not reaching my dream
Not doing what I love to do
But for that
I must first start to love what I do
But the question is
Can a heart love for what is unsure to be loved?

I wish I could have a pair of wings right now
So that I could fly
And leave all these behind.

How can one be true
When herself is confused
By what she feels
Or what she had felt before

Is it real
Like those shown in television
Like those stories that
Had been written beautifully
In a novel

What if hers was plain
And dull
Is it not a true feeling
Or did it becomes blurry
As she kept denying it?

She was scared of reality
But she no longer belongs to fantasy
Whether it's a dream comes true
Or it's merely a tale or
Just a daydream
She can never be sure
Until her feelings
Become crystal clear

One day
Perhaps
She can finally be sure of.

I can only watch from aside