While I was thinking
To get noticed
I retreat back quickly
It's not like I'll be having any chance
Do I?

I wish I can be there

살아도 사는게 아니래 너 없는 하늘에 창 없는 감옥같아서

웃어도 웃는게 아니래 초라해 보이고 우는것 같아 보인데

Part of us wanting to leave
While part of us still wanting to fight for it
It's life
It is that kind of life.

How to undo this feeling?

She asked me.

I look through her, and saw tears started to fill in.

I never really hope for anything, 
but I did pray for any chance to come.

Yet, she never worked for it.

So no one to be blame except you.

I wanted to tell her that but I just stared at her with pity.

Or at least it's a good news for her.

At least she can get over it.

And finally

Like finally she can move on.


But how?


I can never give the right answer to that.

Only time heals.

Wait.

Only Allah can mend a broken heart.

That's for sure.

I am 23.

When something is wrong,
never will it go right.

So should I set my heart free
Or should I just let it stay in the cage
that I locked myself into?

No.
Certainly not.

My heart wasn't even mine
that I can use it the way I want it.

So I shall return it to the one who gave me,
the one who entrusted me with such precious.

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim

Assalamualaikum wbt and a very good morning indeed.


BGM: The Chainsmokers - Don't let me down


This song was our theme song during GMGS clinical exam. It was...how to put it in the right words.. The part where "Right now I need a miracle" really suit us. And yeah we were miraculously passed the exam. God, we were thankful enough for having kind-hearted lecturers. They did help us a lot. I honestly didn't think I could make it as I couldn't gather up my confidence. And plus I went blank there, exactly when I started to open that door.

Although I got a case which I was aiming for, I was praying for, it was the mental preparation that needed to be ready. I miscalculated my readiness I guess. Got facial nerve palsy, I was supposedly already prepared with all those knowledge yet I was...too worried I think.

But thank God, He gave me some time before I started with the second case. Got lower limb for neuro. The least favorite subject among all other cases. Never actually had any chance to clerk a neuro patient. I tried to compose myself again, as the examiners were the same doctors. Yeah, it turned to be more like a class but not fully a bedside teaching otherwise I'm doomed! Ahhh..I guessed us dentists-to-be really should not take this for granted. Medical doctors have their own job and that we have our own. But we should not look at things as they were simple and should be easy to be performed. They were not easy, same like dental stuff. At least I gained some knowledge before I become one.

There were some of us who had to resit the exam. It was pain to see them under such stress. Well,at the same time, the rest couldn't sit comfortably just yet as we didn't know our own result. Those who resit at least knew that they passed the theory part. Some of us cried, broke down, loss our appetite. I bet some couldn't even sleep. That's how it made us, almost gone crazy. Even before the result was announced, we went somewhere else to distract ourselves from being overthinking.

And we almost screamed out loud at the coffee shop. We were that nervous that we didn't care of the fact that people might be staring at us. Needless to say, GMGS, I surely am glad to say goodbye.

And all that left was only regrets. Each time. Why didn't I study harder than this? Why didn't I practice this skill beforehand? Why didn't I do this and that. But thank God, I don't need to go through those time again. I was suffocated enough with other stuff so I am thankful that I can finally take some break. At least from the chaotic hospital scenes.

But don't take me wrong. GMGS is very important. Especially as we are dealing with human anyway. I should study harder next year. Though, frankly speaking, I'm not that enlightened to go back to the clinic, but what to do. That's my responsibilities from now on. All I can pray for is His miracles.